Dealing with tantrums in public

By Felicity Frankish 

And there it was. I watched as my usually calm 20-month-old daughter threw herself onto the floor of our local Kmart with her legs and arms flailing and the tears running.

I stood there casually not willing to move.

I knew if I told her off or tried to diffuse the situation, it would only make it worse, instead I needed to wait it out. So I stood there, cool, calm and collected, as other people walked by us sharing a sympathetic look or a cheeky grin. But in all, they left us to it.

Five minutes earlier we had entered Kmart. Cassie had run in eagerly behind me and followed me like a puppy around the store, touching everything and anything she could. Then there was the shopping basket. She saw it and she had to have it. I said no. The Kmart shop assistant said yes and got it out for her.

Cassie – 1, Mum – 0.

I let her wheel it around the store, channeling my inner calm as our shopping trip doubled in length. She was happy – that was the main thing, right? Then it was time for us to take our goodies to the checkout, and here’s the real clincher, return the shopping basket.

And that’s what triggered our epic meltdown.

Cassie – 2, Mum – 0.

So I stood there and I let it run its course. That is, until the Kmart assistant who first gave Cassie the trolley felt incredibly guilty and bribed my child to stand up and stop crying.

Cassie – 3, Mum – 0.

I left Kmart the way I came in, with a happy bouncing toddler at my heels.

Dealing with toddler tantrums

Toddler tantrums are the real deal – and when they start my take you by surprise. All of a sudden, one day my little baby learned to throw herself onto the fall in a fit of tears in an attempt to get her own way. Thankfully, to begin with, they just happened at home. I went through all the motions, from comforting her, to reasoning with her and occasionally, I’ll admit it, I even gave in to her, just to stop the chaos.

It didn’t take me long to realise I was teaching her bad habits. Cassie was learning that if she went about said behaviour, she may end up getting what she wants in the end. And let’s be honest, there really is no reasoning with a toddler.

Instead, I learned the art of patience.

As long as Cassie was in a safe space when she was having one of these episodes, I started to leave her to it. Sure enough, after a few minutes she would get bored, forget what she was doing and walk off to play with something else.

I couldn’t believe it actually worked. I felt like I was nailing this parenting thing and had everything sorted. That was before I realised the time had come to deal with one of these tantrums in public.

Things are ten times harder when you have the judgmental eyes of the public scrutinising your every move. I could see the looks from people who thought I should be that strict mum who takes no nonsense and should discipline my child. There were the looks of pity from parents who had been there and done that. And there were looks of laughter from those who appreciated the stance I had taken.

Then, of course, there were those that were annoyed their shopping had been disrupted by a stubborn child.

Part of me did want to give in. I wanted to grab her by the arm and yank her out the door. But I know my daughter and that’s the advantage I had on all the ‘looks’ these people gave me. I knew things would escalate very quickly if I tried anything.

There was one more thing I knew: toddlers need consistency.

I can’t teach Cassie that she can get away with her tantrum one day and get what she wants but not the rest, as that will encourage her to keep having the tantrums in hope. I had discovered at home what works best and I just needed the balls to carry it out in public. And I would have to, if it wasn’t for the shop assistant.

Public tantrums are the worst, and no parent ever wants to go through them. However, most will.

Be strong and stand your ground. Those other people watching on don’t know you, they don’t know your children and they don’t know your circumstances – so forget them. Do what works for you and know that things will get better.

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