In defence of the lazy parent: why just enough is more than you need
In Defence Of The Lazy Parent | Why Just Enough Is More Than You Need – by Lou Lavery from Families Magazine.
Not all parents are helicopters. An argument in defence of the hands-off, laid-back parent.
The Lazy Parent
A little less hover, a lot less bother
Our natural inclination as parents is to protect. To safeguard our children from harm, injury or upset. We want to cocoon them softly n cotton wool, roll their chubby little bodies up in bubble wrap and bounce them safely up and down the peaks and troughs of life.
You see these parents everywhere. They’re the ones hovering in playgrounds, vibrating at very high and anxious frequencies. The parents who plan out detailed schedules packed with activity after activity designed to prevent even the slightest hint of boredom. Parents who intervene in friendship dramas, bail up kindergarten teachers in the hallway at the end of each day and who negotiate every situation their precious progeny is ever involved in.
These parents do so from a place of absolute love and desperation to give their children the best possible start in life.
But… what if they’re wrong?
She’s so chill, she makes ice-cubes jealous
An ode to the lazy parent.
Your approach to the school holidays is a thing of marvel. Not one to give into the pressure of frenzied lists published online or the pin-point pressure of advertisers, you embrace a ‘meh’ approach. You’re cool with them being bored. You’re fine if they make their own fun in the backyard while you read a book on the back deck.
A scrape from climbing a tree? No biggie. An argument with a sibling about who gets to play Elsa in the fourth dramatic re-telling of Frozen that morning? Schmeh.
You allow your children to roam, trip, stumble, fall, explore and experiment at the playground. You listen to the tears on the way home from pre-school about how ‘Billie isn’t my best friend anymore’ and quietly discuss how people can change but it’s not the end of the world. When playdates occur, you open the toybox then retreat to the living room for some adult conversation.
Bed time happens when it happens. Dinner is sometimes eggs on toast if that’s where everyone’s at emotionally. Toilet training was a no-pressure, he’s-ready-when-he’s-ready kind of deal and your kid has never met a pup they didn’t pat.
Is there something to it? This lazy parenting? (Apart from less migraines and a somewhat heavier wallet, that is.)
The fostering of resilience
A hands-off approach to parenting (when appropriate and safe, of course!) asks children to begin to find solutions to their own problems.
If children are bored and are not presented with external stimulus they will find their own solutions. It’s all very well to bemoan the fact that today’s kids are perma-attached to screens – but when are they given a chance to find their own fun?
Remember being a kid and feeling ‘bored’. What did you do? Did you read? Create art? Use your imagination? Go for a bike ride? Build a cubby house?
Maybe your own lazy parents had a point. Maybe by not jumping in and over-scheduling our days, by not stepping into every conflict but letting us sort it out ourselves, they were helping us to grow into adults who can problem-solve. Who can fail at something but then try again. Who don’t crumble or fall apart at the first sign of conflict but instead can stand up for themselves.
So, think before you criticise the lazy parent. Maybe there’s something more at work underneath the surface that you’re not seeing.
Or maybe they’re just lazy. Who knows. Excuse me, just going to go take a nap.
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