“Am I being unreasonable?” What do you do if someone ‘steals’ your baby name?

While we all have our top favourites that we hope to use one day, no one really “owns” a name. But there are few things as disappointing than when someone close to you, such as a friend or family member, uses a baby name you had firmly set your heart on – and they knew it, too.

“My brother-in-law stole my baby name”

Two months before getting engaged, a woman chatted to her brother-in-law about baby names, revealing her favourites she’d picked nearly a decade earlier. “He said they were nice names but not something he would even name his kids,” she posted on Reddit.

However, after the woman got engaged, her brother-in-law’s behaviour changed. “He got all petty about his ‘little brother’ getting engaged before him, despite us being together for 4 years and him knowing my husband was planning on proposing … he also was not in a relationship.”

The women and her husband had postponed having a baby due to heath issues, and in the meantime, the brother-in-law met someone, proposed and got married in less than a year. They brother-in-law and new wife fell instantly pregnant. They sadly miscarried at 7 weeks.

“They immediately posted on Facebook about their miscarriage and named the baby one of our names (it can be gender neutral),” said the woman. “A name he knew was ours, and one he would never name the child had they not miscarried.”

The woman was devastated. And while many Reddit readers agreed that it was a difficult situation, they insisted she should still use the name. “Their baby was miscarried at only 7 weeks,” posted one reader. “Naming a baby at this point is not an official thing but more like a sentimental thing. You can still name your baby whatever you like.”

Another was equally adamant. “I’m assuming you and your husband are reducing your contact with him,” they wrote. “In the meantime there’s nothing from stopping you from still naming a future baby the name you want.”

What about a best friend?

One woman had a different experience – this time with a close friend. “Basically my best friend of 25 years had her baby in summer and gave him the name I’d told her I was going to use,” she posted on Mumsnet. “She had picked another name after her dad who passed away, but changed it a few days before her c-section then announced it publicly before telling me.”

The woman had a sentimental connection to the name and her friend had known that if she had a boy, that was her only pick. “She has no connection and used it because it’s ‘plain and simple for school and work’,” said the woman. “Her words, not because she liked it.”

Eventually the woman also gave birth to a boy and decided to still use the name. “I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t stick with it. It suits him perfectly and I’m happy I got to use it after all,” she said.

However the situation turned when everyone started accusing her of stealing her friend’s baby name. “Mutual friends are making comments such as ‘You stole [her] baby name’, ‘why didn’t you choose your own’ ‘are you trying to take away attention for their baby?’,” she said. “Not even a simple congratulations.”

Seriously, what can you do?

Whatever the situation, there’s not much that can be done, when someone uses one of your top favourite names. It may feel like the end of the world in the early days of motherhood, but life goes on.

Besides, you may not have anything to do with that person as your children grow up. As one Mumsnet reader commented, “In no time at all most of the people your son mixes with will be his friends from school rather than yours. At that point all of your friends will have forgotten the drama, as will you.” Excellent advice.

And despite feeling upset with the outcome, the woman whose friend used her name tried her best to put it all behind her. “I don’t want to fall out with anyone over it, after all no one owns a name. I just let it go,” she said.