Depression and anxiety: how to mentally prepare for a baby
By Livia Gamble
There’s lots of talk about physically preparing for a baby, from the prenatal vitamins to the light exercise and looking after your pelvic floor.
Don’t get us wrong, all of the above is great – but what’s often missed is how to mentally prepare for the bundle of joy that’s about to enter your life.
Here are some ways to help you mentally prepare for having a baby
1. Understand the risks
First things first, families need to understand the risk factors associated with postnatal anxiety and depression.
And while there are some things you can do to help you mentally prepare for your baby, Tylah, a Sydney-based midwife, told TMB TV the biggest thing with postnatal depression is “knowing it’s not necessarily something you can avoid.”
“If it comes on, it’s not as if you’ve done something wrong, there’s definitely no blame game,” she says.
The reality is that it’s common, and the key is knowing what to look for and how to get help.
According to PANDA, “More than 1 in 7 new mums and up to 1 in 10 new dads experience postnatal depression each year in Australia.
As PANDA explains on their website, the signs and symptoms of postnatal anxiety and depression can vary and may include:
- panic attacks
- persistent, generalised worry, often about your baby
- new obsessive or compulsive behaviours
- increased sensitivity to noise or touch
- changes in appetite
- sleep problems that aren’t caused by your baby
- feeling Extreme lethargy
- memory problems or loss of concentration (‘brain fog’)
- loss of confidence and lowered self-esteem
- constant sadness or crying
- withdrawal from friends and family
- fear of being alone with baby
- intrusive thoughts of harm to yourself or baby
- irritability and/or anger
- increased alcohol or drug use
- loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
- thoughts of death or suicide
If symptoms last for more than two weeks, it’s time to seek support. Call the PANDA National Helpline (Mon to Fri, 9am – 7.30pm AEST/AEDT) on 1300 726 306
The baby blues?
When preparing for the arrival of your baby, Tylah says it’s helpful to understand “that baby blues will happen, and if you can be aware of that, you’re going to have an easier time.”
But it’s not all bad. With the baby blues, also comes the baby pinks.
“They’re the highs, you know, you’re crying because you have so much love for this baby that you made or your partner might’ve done something really cute after the birth, and you’re just so emotional and so full of love,” says Tylah.
“Know that you actually get both, and it’s not just fearing the blues.”
2. Be realistic
Any expectations that you have about life with a newborn, lower them.
Having a baby changes everything, and instead of making grand plans for all the things you hope to achieve once baby arrives, set the bar really low and take each day as it comes. That way, you won’t be caught off guard or left disappointed. The house will be a mess, the washing probably won’t get done, but that’s okay!
3. Baby-proof your relationship
If you’re having a baby with a partner, then you are going to want to put in some work before the bub arrives.
The truth is, a baby will test even the strongest of relationships, but if you’ve taken the time to talk honestly about parenting in advance, it might take some of the pressure off. For example, you might want to divvy up the chores, discuss parenting styles, feelings about using a dummy etc. Importantly, remember to cut each other some slack once bub arrives – you will both be doing your best.
4. Sleep!
We’ve all heard the saying sleep when the baby sleeps, and while this isn’t always realistic – sleep deprivation with a baby is very real.
Before the baby arrives, talk about ways to make sure you get enough sleep – especially during those first six weeks. If someone offers you a break – take it.
5. Social connections
Once your baby is born, there will be lots of new thoughts and feelings going on inside you, which are all normal. The best way to reassure yourself of that is to connect with other new parents. In fact, one study says social support is linked with decreased postpartum depression risk.
Social connections can be made online or in real life, both before and after your baby arrives. Think about joining a mother’s group, prenatal yoga classes or sign up for breastfeeding classes. Make plans with your friends and try to keep up with hobbies that make you feel good. All of this can help you retain a sense of self as you make the transition into parenthood.
6. Be kind to yourself
If you’re expecting your first child, it’s normal to worry about your abilities as a parent. The truth is, you’re going to make mistakes, but all your baby cares about is that they are loved and feel safe.
Remember, parenting is one big learning curve, and you’ve got this!
7. Ask for help
As soon as you feel like you can’t cope with your current situation, ask for help. Whether that’s family, friends or your GP, reach out to someone you trust so you can get the support you need sooner rather than later.
If you or someone you know is suffering from Postnatal Anxiety and Depression, contact their free National Helpline to speak to a trained counsellor – Mon to Fri, 9 am – 7.30 pm AEST/AEDT) Call 1300 726 306.
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