Not up for playing with the kids? Do this instead
Play has many benefits for kids – it helps them learn about the world while developing social and communication skills. But that doesn’t mean all parents enjoy it all the time.
For some, play is exhausting.
“I feel like crying with boredom”
Taking to Mumsnet, one parent asked: “Do you ‘have’ to play with your kids to be a good parent?”
“I’m going to come out and say it – I loathe playing with my kids,” she admitted. “I love spending time with them – reading, going to the park, cycling, skating, skiing, cooking, gardening etc.
“But sitting down and playing with toy cars, or building lego or pretending to have a tea party makes the minute hand of the clock go backwards. Honestly, I feel like crying with boredom.”
And she’s not the only one.
This week Girls’ star Jemima Kirke thanked her nanny on Instagram, admitting that she “can’t stand playing with children.”
So how can parents engage with their kids without having to play ‘dinosaurs’?
The ‘serve and return’ method
The good news is, choosing not to play with your child probably won’t affect their development. But the absence of something called ‘serve and return’ might.
Likened to a game of tennis, the term ‘serve and return’ was coined by Harvard researchers to describe the essential back and forth interactions between children and their parents. For example, your child pointing to a bird is a ‘serve’, and a parent’s response is the ‘return’.
As the Harvard blog explains: “Serve and return interactions shape brain architecture. When an infant or young child babbles, gestures, or cries, and an adult responds appropriately with eye contact, words, or a hug, neural connections are built and strengthened in the child’s brain that supports the development of communication and social skills.”
Speaking to the ABC, Judy Kynaston, Managing Director of Early Childhood Australia’s Be You initiative, says if parents can’t play anymore, they should keep the ‘serve and return’ in mind – even if that means explaining why.
“Say you’re putting things in the washing machine and saying ‘these are blue shorts’ or talk about what you’re cooking for dinner,” Judy says.
It works both ways
Instead of only ‘returning’ communications, parents can engage with their child and ‘serve’ a different idea for play. Perhaps try something Montessori-inspired, getting them to help you around the house instead – because according to this study, preschoolers prefer actual activities to pretend ones anyway.
If that fails, remember it’s totally okay for kids to be bored too.
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