When do I know I’m done having babies?

“When do I know I’m done having babies?” By Jessica at The Mama Bare

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mum. And for as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted lots of kids.

As a kid, I would shove dolls up my jumper and pretend I was pregnant. I would prop myself up in bed with a doll or a teddy held lovingly in my arms and imagine I was holding my newborn in the hospital bed and everyone was basking in the glory that was my baby.

I was also doing this up until an age that I’m definitely going to keep to myself because I’m fairly certain it wasn’t normal.

When I was 11 years old I had list of baby names and their meanings, and when I was 14 I decided I truly wanted 10 children, because then I could use all of my names and not have to leave any out.

At some point in time, my expectations regarding parenting became slightly more realistic and at the age of 24 I fell pregnant with our beautiful first born daughter.

She was the most perfect little baby I could have ever imagined. As you would expect, we were absolutely besotted with her.

Evie was a ‘perfect’ baby for about three weeks, when she started showing signs of colic and then screamed most of the day, every day, until the age of 14 weeks – when all of a sudden, she just stopped and returned to being perfect.

That was a baptism of fire if ever there was one!

But it didn’t put me off and when Evie was about six months old, I fell pregnant (unexpectedly quickly!) with her sister, Arya.

During my pregnancy with Arya I was naturally very anxious and apprehensive.

Two under two – nay, two under 15 months, were we crazy? How would we cope? Will we ever sleep again?

But we did. It was tough. SO tough. But looking back, it was also beautiful and now we have two daughters who are closer than I could ever imagine being to person.

Beautiful though it was, we did decide to give having babies a break for quite a while.

We knew we wanted another child but needed to wait for lots of reasons … and wait we did, for almost four years before I (again unexpectedly) fell pregnant with our baby boy.

Yes, we know how it happens, but we just didn’t think we were quite as fertile as we are (which we acknowledge is an incredible privilege and blessing). It took a little while for us to get used to the idea of a new little human coming into our lives because as a foursome, we were pretty tight!

Enter Elias James – after a horrendously long and uncomfortable pregnancy and an awful, induced labour, we welcomed our baby boy.  What a bloody roller-coaster it’s been since!

Prior to my pregnancy and birth with Eli, I was fairly certain that I wanted four children. Especially seeing as the girls were so close, I thought if we had a third, it might be a bit cruel to leave it out on its own with a four year gap. So I thought perhaps we should have another within two years or so to keep things even.

The thought of that now is something I truly cannot even comprehend.

My birth with Eli and his first few months have truly tamed my desire for more children. Without going into detail, because I could talk for hours about my labours and birth – let’s just say things didn’t go to plan and I was left pretty wrecked physically and emotionally after his birth.

And the jump from two to three absolutely killed me because Eli was not the cruisy third baby everyone had told me about.

He was not the baby who would just go with the flow because apparently, that’s what the third child does! No. He was the kind of baby that needed to be an only child. He required 100% of my attention 100% of the time, and even that was not enough.

For his first 16-17 weeks he was pretty miserable.

For quite a while I just assumed he was colicky like Evie and assumed he would snap out of it around three months (this makes it sound like I was really casual about the situation … I was not, believe me!).

So, when he was just as miserable after three months I realised it was probably not colic, and I took him to a doctor who treated Eli for reflux.

This helped a little, and now, at five months of age, we have been able to have fun with and enjoy our beautiful boy.

He’s still what I would describe as ‘high needs’ but nowhere near as intense and he was.

However, my experiences with him have almost certainly made up my mind about NOT having any more children.

To be honest, I think I will always be that person who loves babies. I will always get a bit jealous when someone announces a pregnancy and I will always long for those overwhelmingly addictive newborn cuddles. But the reality is that those moments don’t last forever. Before you know it, they’re six months old, a year old, in kinder or school, and fully functioning and incredibly challenging little humans with their own personalities, quirks and ideas.

These things are just as enjoyable in different ways, and if I kept having babies, I feel like I would miss out on a lot of the other kids growing up because babies require a LOT of time (or at least mine do!).

As well as that, kids are expensive and I’m still looking for a money tree. So until we find that elusive tree, I think I am (somewhat regretfully) done with having babies.

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