The first post-birth poo (yours, not the baby’s!)

The First Post-Birth Poo (Yours, not the baby’s!) By Amy Ahearn

The average person does 27684* poos over their lifetime. This equates to 134.5 days of our lives spent pooping, if we allow an estimated average of 7 minutes per poo. For something I am likely to spend 134.5 days of my life doing, I have remarkably few memories of pooping.

In fact, I have exactly two, extremely vivid, pooping memories. The first occurred in October 2002 and the second in September, 2012. It’s no coincidence that these dates coincide with the births of my children. The first poo you do after pushing an entire human out of your body is a terrifying prospect.

The First Post-Birth Poo

The one thing both poops had in common (aside from the obvious result) was the fear that precipitated them. Would I bust my stitches? Would by uterus fall out if I pushed too hard? Would it hurt?!

Labour, if you haven’t already experienced it, is pretty hard work. Muscles that seemingly have NOTHING to do with the birthing process, are sore. After my first baby was born, my shoulders, chest and arms ached and trembled for hours. They didn’t feel normal for a week. When I had my second baby, my arms weren’t too bad, but my neck! Good grief, I must had had some tension going on.

The other muscles that feel weird as hell? Your abdominal muscles. I’ve never had rock-hard, six-pack abs. I didn’t actually think I had abs AT ALL until after I’d given birth. It was just like that song about how you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone!

In the day or two after giving birth, you’re an achy, sleep deprived mess. That’s not to say it’s not wonderful, because it is. You can deal with the lack of core muscles, the sore body, the stitches or grazes you might have and the zombie-like exhaustion because you have this amazing little baby.

Until the moment arrives.

The familiar rumble deep in your belly that lets you know it’s time to hit the bathroom with something to read and someone else to rock baby for a bit. It might be the next day, if you’re lucky.

You might be wondering why doing a poo less than 24 hour after pushing out a baby is a good thing. And the answer is that it’s probably less likely to mean you’re constipated. It’s an almost-pleasant surprise to find out that all that nervous anticipation was for nothing. I once read that giving birth vaginally means the nerves in that vicinity are stretched and frazzled for a few days (much like the rest of you) so you don’t really feel much at all!

However, two, three or four days post-birth? Longer? It might still be okay… But it might be a bit of an ordeal. In fact, there’s a good chance you’ll wonder if you’re actually delivering a late surprise twin and would it be reasonable to ask for an epidural now?

I have had both experiences. And I know which I’d prefer.

The first was 3 days post-partum and it was not a surprise twin but God, it felt like it. My abs were freaking useless and I was stuck on the loo feeling awful until an angelic midwife heard my cries and provided a stool-softener and sympathy, bless her.

A decade later (the age gap had nothing to do with post-birth poo trauma, if you were wondering), I was much better prepared. Fibre is your friend. I had a powdered version I could mix into water. And that is the other thing that help- water. Keep hydrated. If you’re breastfeeding, you’ll soon learn not to sit down without a water bottle, anyway.

Fresh fruit, vegies and a bit of exercise are all supposed to keep you moving. But in the days right after birth, that might be a challenge. Ask your nurse or doctor to provide a stool softener if you suspect things might get difficult. You want to avoid excessive straining; that in itself can cause or irritate haemorrhoids- and that, my friends, is a whole other article!

*I made this figure up, but you get the picture, right?

The the thought of your first post-birth poo terrify you too?