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So your friend has just announced a bombshell: they are expecting twins! This is a life changing moment for them. It’s also your chance to be that supportive friend who knows exactly what to say when your friend is expecting twins.
Firstly, it’s important to understand the emotions your friend is going through. They may be excited or overwhelmed, terrified, ecstatic or confused. Or a mix of all of those things.
Finding out you’re expecting more than one baby is a lot for someone to take in. Not only will the pregnancy be more complicated but everything from the birth and beyond will be too. Your friend is likely to be going through a massive emotional upheaval. They might be wondering whether they are going to make it to full term or worrying whether their car or house are going to be big enough. Maybe they’re wondering how they will cope with multiple newborns. You name it and they will be trying to process it.
Now is the time they need your support the most. But it can be difficult to know what to say when you haven’t been through it yourself.
When I announced to the world that I was expecting twins, I was greeted with so much negativity. “You’ll have your hands full!” “How will you cope?” “You will never get any sleep again!”. I could go on and on (“I’d rather die than have twins” probably being the lowest of the low).
Your friend needs your positivity right now to counteract the thoughtless comments they may be getting from others.
There are lots of ways you can help.
Congratulate them, and listen! Tell them how lucky they are and be excited for them. They want somebody to share their massive news with who will appreciate how big this is. Be the person they can confide in with their hopes and fears. Listen and don’t judge because they are going through so many emotions and their expectation about their pregnancy, and their life, has just changed dramatically in a few short days.
Ask how you can help. What do they need to make things easier? Can you look after their other kids for an afternoon so they can take a nap (carrying two babies is seriously exhausting!) Could you offer to help with any cleaning or mow the grass for them occasionally? Make sure you schedule time in to help, especially towards the end of the pregnancy and when the babies arrive.
Don’t just offer to help – actually get your diary out and book things in to show that you mean in. Everyone offers to e there but very few people follow through with it. Be different and show up.
Compliment them! Tell them through the pregnancy how great they are looking and how well they’re doing. Being pregnant with more than one baby makes you feel like you’re the size of a house, and it’s so uncomfortable. Your emotions are all over the place when you’re pregnant and the slightest thing can lift you up or pull you down. A few kind words can make a big difference to the way someone feels.
Make the effort to learn about expecting, delivering and raising multiples. Your friend will really appreciate you taking the time to learn how her experience is different to being pregnant or raising a single baby. Buy yourself a book about expecting twins and have a quick read. It will make you appreciate everything your friend is going through and will allow you to support them from a place of understanding.
Never suggest that having two kids close in age gives you an understanding of what it’s like to have twins. That gives you experience of totally different challenges altogether but it’s not the same as raising two babies at the same stage of development. It’s not that one is easier than the other (every experience is unique) but it is different and right now your friend is concentrating on her situation of twins so focus your attention on what she is going through.
Ask what baby gifts they would like. Don’t just assume they need more little outfits. Instead, your friend might prefer a box of nappies or wipes or something practical. Having two babies is expensive, so you might be able to ease the financial burden by buying some essentials instead of another sleep suit which the babies might not ever get around to wearing before they’ve outgrown them.
Cook up a storm. Towards the end of your friend’s pregnancy, spend a few days in the kitchen preparing some home-cooked, healthy meals. Give these to your friend for their freezer and send more over after the babies arrive. Your friend will love you for this. Eating healthy food during those first few weeks is so difficult, and your meals mean your friend will get to eat quality food instead of turning to takeaways.
Encourage your friend to join a multiples club. This is the single most important piece of advice. When you’re expecting twins you need to find people who have been through it before you. It helps keep you sane. It can be nerve wracking to go along to the first meet up (especially when you are pregnant and don’t have your babies yet) but encourage her to do it because the support she will get there is invaluable. You could even offer to go along with her for support the first time.
Finally, just be there. Let your friend tell you what they need or don’t need. And let her know that she’s got this. And that you’ve got her back.
About the Author
Would you have known what to say when your friend is expecting twins?
Source: Hampshire Baby Photography
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