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Play dates for the socially awkward Parent by Lou Lavery.
So much of motherhood is public and social. But how do you deal if you’re… well, a bit weird?
Picture it.
A beautiful scene. A kindy party in a playground. Gorgeous bunting, party hats, small and sticky children running and squealing in the morning sun. Perfectly arranged trays of food (gluten, nut and dairy free, of course) stand proudly on the picnic table. Delicate, hand-crafted name tags adorn paper cups. Mothers sit, casually and effortlessly, as they engage in sparkling conversation while watching their adored offspring dance and tumble on the play equipment. Picture-perfect. The very essence of elegance and grace.
You arrive. Late. You open the door of your poorly parked station wagon to allow an avalanche of plastic toys, dirty tissues and miscellaneous sticks and leaves to tumble from your vehicle. You desperately grab your child from the car-seat as he chats incessantly about farts and wees and plonk yourselves on the edge of the perfectly picnicking parents.
Your face is red, your palms are sweaty, (knees weak, mom’s spaghetti) and you’re nervous. You’re about to engage in the aspect of parenting that you find far and away the most difficult. Not the sleepless nights. Not the aching nipples. Not even the constant screenings of Paw Patrol.
The enforced social interaction with other mothers who you have nothing in common with except the fact that you have all had children come out of you.
Give. Me. Strength.
Speaking from experience, being a naturally awkward person is like you’re the star of your very own reality show. It’s called “What ridiculous thing will she say next?”. And it’s on every day. 24 hours a day. On every channel.
Being a parent, though, means that you’ll more regularly find yourself broadcasting your weirdness to an ever-increasing audience. And there’s no audience quite like the trapped feeling that can come when your children are having a play date.
You’re in someone’s house who you’ve only met in passing. You’re eating their biscuits, using their toilet and picking stray cat hairs off their couch while you rack your brain for things to say. The clock is ticking so loudly you swear you’re in an Edgar Allen Poe story and the nervous sweat trail dripping down your back has just reached the top of your bum crack.
It’s okay. It’s all right. Your awkwardness makes you who you are and, guarantee, there are many people who LOVE you for it. But for those times when you need a quick ‘WTF do I say’ helper, here are some easy conversational topics.
If you mention that your child has recently been pooing less or more and then sit back, the floodgates will literally open. (Not literally, gross.) Everyone, regardless of who they are in life, has a weird story about poo. This is bound to get some laughs and ease the tension a little.
Who doesn’t know what it looks like anymore? How long for? Since when? HOW? HOW DID YOU GET YOUR CHILD TO SLEEP?
Showing that little bit of vulnerability and admitting you don’t have it all together at all times allows others to drop their guards a little as well. This can help form a more genuine connection so you look forward to the next play date a little more than you did this one.
From the Queen of Awkward Mothers, good luck! It’s rough out there for a weirdo but be persistant – you’ll find your tribe soon enough. Just look for the other mums on the edges and stick together.
You’ve got this!
Are you a socially awkward parent?
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