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Where to find support when you’re expecting multiples by Karen Bleakley.
Finding out we were expecting twins felt a bit like having the rug pulled from under us. We went into the first scan excited to see our first baby. And we came away with pictures and videos of two babies happily bouncing around in my tummy.
It was a moment that totally caught my breath. I think I would have fallen down with shock if I hadn’t already been lying on a bed.
I had no experience of twins at all. There were none in my family (non-identical twins are supposed to run down the female line. After doing some ancestry research over the last few years, the closest twins in my family that I’ve found were born over 100 years ago!) I didn’t even know anybody with twins. It never once crossed my mind that I was expecting more than one baby, even though I had severe morning sickness. It caught us totally by surprise.
The news made us realise two things: the first was that our lives as we knew it were totally going to change in so many ways – from the car we drove to the house we lived in – everything would need a rethink. The second was that we had a lot to learn. We had no idea what carrying and delivering two babies was going to mean. We had no experience of babies, so it was all new to us!
I spent my whole pregnancy on Google researching everything I could find about having twins, and I bought all of the books I could get my hands on. Out of everything, two sources provided the most practical help for us.
The first was the national multiple births association. At the time we were living in the UK, so we joined TAMBA (Twins and Multiple Births Association). Australia has an equivalent called AMBA (Australian Multiple Births Association).
These organisations provide so much support about everything from expecting and delivering multiples through to sending your twins off to school and raising your twins as individuals. TAMBA has a magazine, a website, a Facebook page and a range of discounts for members that provide money off holidays, shoes, clothes and more. It really helped to feel part of a special club where everyone understood what we were going through!
The second most important discovery I made was finding my local multiples club. I went along while I was pregnant and within minutes of walking through the door I was handed a newborn baby! I’d never ever held a tiny baby before, but this other new mum had just arrived with a toddler and two babies who needed feeding and I was instantly initiated into the group by being trusted with one of her twins.
These mums quickly became my people. We looked out for one another, passed baby clothes down the line to the new mums, met for coffee in cafes that had enough space for multiple double buggies and we arranged park play dates in places that were fenced in so we didn’t lose any toddlers. There was no bickering or gossiping – the group was practical and supportive. Everyone pitched in to help each other out.
I attended other baby groups, but quickly realised that other mums didn’t know how to deal with me. They watched me juggling my two newborns with my two hands while they had their hands full with their singleton. They didn’t offer to help me. I guess because they were worried they might offend me or imply that I was struggling. When you have more than one baby you are busy doing something all the time – feeding, burping, changing nappies – this also makes it hard to make friends with the other mums at the baby groups. At the local twin club, it wasn’t like that. Everyone picked up each other’s babies to give us all a chance to enjoy a cuppa and a chat. We knew we were all handling it, but we also welcomed any help that came our way. Nobody felt awkward or worried about offending anyone.
At the regular baby groups I went to at different children’s centres, access was also an issue. We were told we had to leave our buggies outside the centres. With twins it just wasn’t possible to carry two newborn babies in and all of our things – I didn’t have enough hands. Not to mention the fact that our travel system cost even more than our car so I didn’t feel comfortable leaving it outside on the side of the street. But at our twin club we were all welcomed in with our gigantic buggies. The room we held the group in was plenty big enough for us all and it was understood that there was no way we could attend if we couldn’t wheel our babies and our enormous nappy bags in with us!
I learned so much from TAMBA and my twin club. From the tricks of how to pick up two newborns at the same time through to how to feed two babies at once. I was introduced to the most twin-friendly coffee shops in town, learnt which shops to avoid because of narrow aisles and learnt the best local places to go on holiday that would fit two cots in the bedroom.
Expecting twins puts you in a very special situation. It’s incredible and awesome, crazy and challenging all rolled into one. The best way to get through it and have the time of your life is to find your people. I found mine and I have no idea what I’d have done without them.
About the Author
Karen Bleakley is the author of Don’t Panic! A Practical Guide to Twins, Triplets and More. She’s also the blogger behind the talesofatwinmum.com – a family, travel and lifestyle blog.
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