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There are lots of decisions to be made when you have a baby. There are the products to choose – from the type of pram to the cot and car seat – to the bigger decisions all couples need to make before they have a baby.
Because really, the last thing you want is for resentment to build because you didn’t nut out who would be doing all of those exhausting middle-of-night settles ahead of time.
Here are 12 things to talk about with your partner before your baby arrives.
If you have a birth plan, it’s very important that your partner is on board with your wishes and willing to advocate for you in the delivery room. If you don’t have one, at least talk about your options and preferences beforehand just in case Bub throws you a few surprises on the day. Think induction, pain relief, and c-section births – like the topics covered here.
How much of your baby’s life you’ll share online is something you should be on the same page about. How would you feel if all of your baby photos were online? Also consider that once you share a photo on Facebook or Instagram, there are a whole bunch of terms that mean the platform could give away or sell your photos. Read about it here.
Having a baby changes everything, including your relationship. It’s very easy for parents to get caught up in their new roles as parents without realising they’ve drifted a little. In fact, COPE says that marital quality decreases sharply for 40-67% of couples during the first year after the baby is born.
Come up with ways you can still make time for each other after the birth. Brainstorm little rituals the two of you enjoy doing now that you’ll be able to maintain later. How can you make each other feel loved? A simple compliment telling your partner they’re doing a great job can make the world of difference while you’re knee-deep in nappies.
Who is going to stay home with the baby, and for how long? And if both parents work in an office (or even at home), who is going to look after the baby? Are grandparents on board for some child-minding? Or will you put your child in daycare? If so, when should you start looking at daycares? Who will do the drop-off and pickups? Whatever you decide, make sure it works for both of you.
Choosing a baby name is a big decision. However, it’s not something you want to still be disagreeing about after the baby is born. Create a shortlist of names you agree on and decide which one suits your little bubba once they’ve arrived earthside.
While you don’t have to have the exact same parenting style, it’s better if you are both on the same page about things like discipline, screen time, ‘sleep training’, using a dummy, etc, before you become parents.
Sleep deprivation is brutal. And it’s something no one fully understands unless they’ve been there themselves. What are you going to do if your baby is a terrible sleeper? How do you feel about co-sleeping? Is ‘sleep training’ something you will look into? And at what age are you comfortable implementing these things?
Having honest conversations about how you’re going to make ends meet with a baby is essential. If one parent stays home, how long can you afford for them to do that? How much would daycare cost if the primary carer went back to work? Do you have life insurance or enough money in savings to cover an emergency like a redundancy? Have you revised your budget to include all the day-to-day items your baby will need, like nappies, baby wipes, and formula if you aren’t breastfeeding?
Staying home and looking after a baby is a full-time job. And if your baby is a little catnapper, then there won’t be much time for things like preparing dinner and cleaning the house. Not to mention, babies can be very unsettled in the evenings! So talk about expectations around housework before the baby arrives. Maybe you can ask friends and family for food instead of gifts, or have a meal prep day every few weeks so you’ve always got something to eat. As for the other chores, divide and conquer!
While most mums will plan to breastfeed, for some the experience can be anything but natural. If breastfeeding is something that you really want to do, have a plan just in case any issues arise. For example, consider seeing a lactation consultant before the baby arrives, or have someone in mind for after if you are struggling with your latch or milk supply. Also, chat about how your partner can feel more involved.
If you’re planning to formula feed, discuss who will do the night feeds and settling, especially when you both return to work.
Once you announce your baby to the world, be prepared for everyone to want to come and meet (and hold) your baby. It’s very important to set up boundaries and discuss what you’re comfortable with – and keep in mind that this might change after the birth (and that’s perfectly okay too!). Protect your newborn bubble at all costs, if that’s what you want. This mum’s strategy for visitors after birth is genius.
Parental burnout is very real, so it’s important to take some time out each week for some child-free self-care that doesn’t involve going to work. Discuss how you can schedule time for both parents to have a break without feeling guilty. Once everyone is settled, schedule certain days and times for each parent so no one is caught off guard.
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