Why kids behave worse when mum is around

Tired of hearing how well behaved your little angels are for everyone but you? 

You aren’t alone.

One satirical article joked that kids behave “800 per cent worse” for their mothers. 

“What we found was that children as young as eight months old could be playing happily but upon seeing their mother enter a room were 99.9% more likely to begin crying, release their bowels, and need her immediate attention,” the fake study joked. 

Okay, that research may not be real, but the results are very relatable for many mums.

Angel on the outside, demon at home

While it can seem almost unfair, there’s an excellent reason why your child behaves worse when you’re around.

Speaking to Readers Digest, Crystal I. Lee, PsyD said: “Kids push boundaries, have meltdowns, and are so much worse around their parents because they feel safe and secure with their parents.”

“Think about your own behaviour,” she adds. “You probably act more put together and formal around strangers because you’re not sure how they’ll react to you. But around your friends and family, you are your true authentic self and feel safe that they love you, even if you’re having an off day. Your kids are the same way!”

Emotions are new to little kids, and they need help processing them. This is why having a safe space with their parents to work through their feelings is very important for development. 

Additionally, this also explains why some children cry as soon as they see their parents, perhaps after a long day at daycare – whatever they’ve been holding on to all day can finally be released. It’s tough being a little kid. 

What parents can do to help children with their emotions

Next time your child has a meltdown, take a moment before responding to stop yourself from reacting negatively.

Instead of telling them to calm down, parents should use language that names the emotion their child is feeling.

For example, instead of just saying, “We don’t scream at Mummy”, you could say something like, “You seem really upset. Is there anything you want to tell me?” 

If they want to talk, listen and empathise with what they’re going through. If they don’t want to speak, let them calm down and bring it up again later. Explain how about natural emotions are while also offering strategies to work through them – instead of avoiding them.  

It works both ways, though – if your child seems happy, talk about it! 

And remember: if your kid seems like they’re always misbehaving for you, there’s a very good reason why. 

Read more:

• Why the first 1000 days are so important
• 10 family traditions you can start with your children at a young age
• 6 things to try if your child has separation anxiety